You’d think the cops in Mexico only hassle the tourists. Funny thing is, I’ve never gotten hassled until I started hanging out with actual Mexicans that live in Mexico. It probably didn’t help that this one was drunk at noon and almost drove directly over a bike cop who was already pissed off, fat, and ugly. The other lesson I learned was that it’s all in how you talk to the cops. First, tell them that you aren’t going to pull over. No. No! You pull over! Then, proceed to tell them that you aren’t that drunk, and that that beer does not belong to you. In fact, you’ve never seen it before in your life. Then blame it on the güeras sitting next to you. It’s their beer, they’re drunk. And why are you cops hassling the tourists down here shopping? You see that big goddamn mirror in the backseat? Yes, they’re spending money here and now they’re never going to come back! Plus, I know the mayor!
I was sure we were going to jail, but I just sat back and watched the show. And spank my ass and call me Sally, but it worked. The cops took off, and we headed back to the drive-through liquor store to get more beer and drive around some more. Wearing luchador masks. Ok, maybe we got hassled because it was noon, we were drunk, and also we were wearing Mexican wrestling masks. Maybe we looked suspicious. Also, our driver did NOT tell the cops that he had actually kidnapped us. He doesn’t speak much English, so he said that he “shininged” us. I am still not quite sure what that means, but kidnap me any time you want if you are going to force me to drink all day.
Head to Laredo for some good food, man, we had a killer breakfast/lunch after hiking over the border. With all the border violence, now is the time to shop! We found some great deals and only got ripped off a little. I count that as making out pretty well. Another tip—go upstairs when you’re in the mercado. Those shops are cheaper, and less people go up there so you can find better stuff. And do not try to run over cops, even if they are on bicycles. They hate it.